thank god for my black bikeens.

(Singleroom@western has just returned from a 3 month romp in Central America. She is tanned, toned, and standing beside the sink peeling a mango. She has about 107463957 bracelets on one arm and does not appear to be wearing pants.)

Singleroom@western: "...yeah so basically I surfed like three times a day and was living like RIGHT on the beach with this amaze girl who was like also traveling, and we went surfing like three times a day."

_____: "yeah wow that's pretty awesome. Must have been so fun. I'm jealous!"
Singleroom@western: " yeah tots. but I also had this like sups cray fall off my surfboard one day and think I busted a rib."

_____: "Wait what? Didn't you break a rib the LAST time you went to central america?"

Singleroom@western: "well yeah but this time it happened in like such a cooler way."

(still eating mango.)

Singleroom@western: " I was surfing this one day and like totally hit a really sweet wave and was like carving so hard and it felt AMAZING and then like all of a sudden like I don't really know what happened but my board somehow got pulled out from under me and then like jerked back towards me by my ankle strap, and then I fell, like obvs, but while I was like underwater--which felt like fucking forever b-t-dubs, (** by the way) my board like came back towards me and like jabbed me i the ribs--"

_____: "Oh my god, that sounds terrible--"

Singleroom@western: "Yah betch it sucked BUT ALSO while I was underwater this jellyfish came outta NOWHERE and stung me in the face."

_____: "Uhh..."

Singleroom@western: "I KNOW. but then like I came back up from underwater--"

_____: "--yeah that was a long time underwater--"

Singleroom@western: "--and these like 4 like sups hot surfer guys were like paddling out to me and then like one of them grabbed me and they pulled me onto one of their surfboards and like floated me into the beach, and then when they got there they like 4-man carried me to the shade of a palm tree--"

_____: "Stop it--"

Singleroom@western: "--and i was wearing like my black bikeens-like its soooo cute I think I got it at forever 21 or some shit but basically like even though I was hurt i looked amazing and was basically like a beach queen being carried on a surfboard."

_____:"Yeah. Thank god for surfers right?"

Singleroom@western: "yeah like no doubt but like also....thank god my black bikeens. AmIright?"

Ambitions, obvi.

(Chat in the car coming back from another city)

Singleroom@western: ugh like maybs I should go into fashion or something

_____: Yeah that could definitely work for you. Do you want to?

Singleroom@western:, I guess that would prets effin sweet. Like, I'm realllyyyy good at it so...

_____: Yeah. Well, yeah..... Yeah.

Singleroom@western: Its just that like.....ugh...I dont know

_____: ?? there something else you'd rather do?

Singleroom@western: No its just that....omg this so fuckin stupid but like, I still like really, reallllyyyy want to be famous.

_____: ......................oh yeah?

Singleroom@western: Ya. Like what do you think?

_____: About what? You being famous?

Singleroom@western: Yah like do you think I should just like make a sex tape or something?

shit gets real in the Rica when he's forty and got mad game

(phone call, _____ at work, while singleroom@western resides in her bed somewhere)

Singleroom@western: bettcchhh we gotta do something cray-cray soon.

_____: Yeah I know I know. Im just a bit busy right now you know.

Singleroom@western: noo I mean like we have to go on a trip somewhere like rilllll soon.

_____: Yeah we definitely should. I may actually go back to Costa Rica next year, if you're down....

Singleroom@western: oh emmm gizzzleee betch like do YOU remember when we went there??!?

_____: Um yeah, I do. It was only like....3 years ago?

Singleroom@western: like, rellaaxxx. Like holy shaattttt do you remember when we were there for neew years and like I tots was like running thru the hotel in like my bra and shorts like SCREAMING your name?!?!

_____: Yeah. I'd actually rather not remember that night...k?

Singleroom@western: what was his name again? K whatevs we'll ca'll him green shirt for fun, k bettcchhh?

_____: k whatever what about you and that silver fox?

Singleroom@western: Oh em GEE like I'm prits sure he was like 40 or older but there was something SOO fuckin hot about him...Like am I wrong to have made out with that, or like, no?

_____: I'd actually really rather not remember that either ok. That was gross. Really gross.

Singleroom@western: Oh. KAY. I'm like priiitty really sure that there was a time when like, you were in london or some next shhiittt and you did the exact same thing with someone who was like, 37. I'm like deffff not the only make-out bandit right now, like, k?

_____: He was 30....5. And, I was 18. Ok?

Singleroom@western: Oh yah good point. I was like...what? 15?
..............................(silence)...........................ew yeah that IS narly. Ha. fuckin yah tho.

_____: Ok well this little re-hash has been a slice and a half babe but I have to run. Lets forget any of this ever happened and dream up a tropical and safe place to go soon though, ok?

Singleroom@western: hey betch member? "just for a second...just the t--"

_____: OKAY BYE

Singleroom@western: Fucking yah betch like I love you like sooooo much.

Veggie treaaaats

(phone call)

_____: Heeeyyyy girl whatcha doing?

Singleroom@western: ohh you know just got home from schoolsies and workin on my fitness. Makin some tasty treats

_____: As in dinner?

Singleroom@western: Fuckin yaahhhh girl you know ittt

_____: What are you making?

Singleroom@western: like a sups veggie meal. Makin am omelette with some veggies. May get all up in the hummus to ya know?

_____: Nice girl. Nice choices you're making.

Singleroom@western: yah like I got home and was like fuucckkk meat tonight. Right? Like, I just wanna stand by the stove, and like stir fry veggies. Fuck meant tonight. Like, not tonight okay? Not. To. Night.

_____: Preach girl

Singleroom@western: like who says you HAVE to have meat anyways? like what if i dont want it is that like, sooo bad? Fuck like i just want veggies fuck meat.

_____: Ya.

Singleroom@western: ( stir frying )

_____: K well....I guess I'm gonna go. You're pretty busy right now so...

Singleroom@western: Yah betch tots. these are like almost done and when theyre done im gonna eat them.

Buck, in like every way poss.

(Text exchange. Obvi.)

Singleroom@western: Hey girl, hows yyoouuu?

_____: gooooood. you?

Singleroom@western: oh like i'm good. whatcha doing tonigghhttt?

_____: not sure yet actually. you?

Singleroom@western: Um like probs going to a bar or something but like nothing sups spesh. ya know?

_____: Ya. So, you're not going to get "buck" tonight? Or maybe just medium buck...?

Singleroom@western: ya. like, buck. but like, not buck wiillllddd.

_____: Kinda like you have a picture of Buck town, but, you're not actually going there...

Singleroom@western: yah its like driving to bucktown but forgetting something and having to go back to get it. but like're going for a ride.

_____: Yah for sure. Like, you know where Bucktown is, and you always will.

Singleroom@western: Exactly girl. And like I just dont want to wear out my welcome there and like my thighs still hurt from climbing a pole when i was there last weekend so like its prroollyyyy too soon to return.

_____: Yah I completely understand. And you know, a little distance never hurt anyone.

Singleroom@western: Ya and it makes the heart like, grow fonder.

_____: good chat girl.

Singleroom@western: fuckin yah girl. Suuppps good chat.

The Hangover

(_____ calls Singleroom@western at 3:18pm on a Thursday.)

_____: Hello?....


_____: What? Babe, are you there?


_____: Are you crying again? What happened? breathing...)........uugghhh....

_____: K I'm hanging up unless you say something. This is retarded. drunk.....

_____: What? Right now?

Singleroom@western: Yesterday...ohmanimgonnathrowup.....uughhh

_____: Ooooohhhhh you're hungover! HA. Its 3:35. In the afternoon. That sucks....

Singleroom@western: .....I can't talk to you right now I'm gonna be-**dial tone**.

Omg like Thank you I guess.

(Singleroom@western, _____, and dNO (brother) have just finished unwrapping all their presents. With Dad and Betch present, Singleroom@western laments how she "almost" got everything she wanted...)

Betch: ok, well that's it kids! Merry Christmas!

_____: Thanks Mom. It was really Great. Honestly, thank you so much.

Betch: Your welcome.

Singleroom@western: Ya. Thanks. It was like, a riiiilllllyyyy good Christmas. And I like pretty much got almost everything that I wanted.

_____: Omg stop it. Just say thank you and leave it at that.

Betch: I'm sorry we didn't get you any bathing suits. But I didn't think it was appropriate and those are things you can spend your own money on.

Singleroom@western: Ya, like I KNOW that, k? Like its tots not a big deal or anything but, like I just thought that maybe I'd get like that ONE in particular you know? Like I don't want to make a big deal of it-

_____:--but you ARE making a big dea-

Singleroom@western: --Like did I ask for your opinion? No. Prets sure I didn't. K? But anyways, ya like its fine I'll just like, go on Victoria's Secret today and see if they're having any like, Boxing day sales or something.

dNo: asked for bathing suits for Christmas? Seriously?