OMG A TURTLE!

(phone chat. Singleroom@western and _____ are swapping drunken stories from last night)

_____: ....so yah I dunno, all in all it was a pretty diverse night you know? Like, birthday party for a friend and then I thought i was going home and then somehow I ended up in the gay village at a salsa club... Anyways, whatever....how was your night?

singleroom@western: um. like SO buck _____. Like I got preeetttyyyy messed up at the wedding and whatever and then like, I went to my friends cottage for a bit and we were like blazing and drinking and stuff and I guess like, thats when I called you-

_____: you called me last night?

singleroom@western: Um, like yah girl, I did. HA I was so wasted tho. Ok like so YAH, I got drunk and-OMG A TURTLE!

_____: what?!

singleroom@western: Theres like, a baby turtle just like, hanging out on the dock.

_____:...incredible. Imagine, a water dwelling animal close to its own habitat..

singleroom@western: I Know RIGHT!? SO crazy....its like, SO cute b-t-dubs. (by the way).

_____: awesome.

singleroom@western: K so like, anyways, how are you giirrllll?

_____: I'm hanging up.

Is this like, too slutty?

(nana's 90th birthday party. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, reallllllllyyy old family friends; not the occasion for the LBD. Singleroom@western and _____ are getting ready.)

singleroom@western: K! I'm done. Do I look like, ok?

_____: (seeing singleroom@westerns miniscule black american apparel dress and bulging cleavage.) Umm...ya? Maybe for going to a club, but, its nana's birthday...shouldn't you cover up a bit?

singleroom@western: (flipping her hair) Ohmygod _____ I AM covered k? Plus, im wearing flats so that like totally like calms the whole outfit down a bit. Its a black dress like how much more basic can you get?

_____: well you could put your boobs away, for one. This day is about nana...not the girls.

singleroom@western: Whatever. Let's go. I'll fucking like, take a scarf or something. K? Happy?

(entering the party, seeing dad for the first time)

singleroom@western: Daddy, do you think I should like, wear a scarf, or like...no?

Dad: Scarf. And make sure it stays on.

Prom night? Not-so-good.

(Prom night. A night which Singleroom@western has been looking forward to for a long time. She's got her hair did. She's got a hottie. She's lookin' supa fly in her "oh-my-mom-made-it" dress.)

7pm. Doorbell rings.

FamilyFriend: Um, I'm really sorry about this, but I found her in the bathroom at prom. I don't think she should be there anymore.

_____: Whats wrong with her?

FamilyFriend: Well, she's been slurring her words ever since she got there and she can't remember who she came with...

_____: She's drunk?! Its 7:00!

FamilyFriend: Yeah, I know. They hadn't even served dinner yet when I found her.

Singleroom@western: I'mFiinnnnneeeee. Jussttlike, faaackk it. I'm Finnneeee.

_____:..................holy.

Singleroom@western: Wheres mom? Mommmm I'm sorrrrryyy....but like, seriously, you're like, my wonnnderwaalll. my wonderwaaalllll.

Ridiculously good-looking

_____: Ugh there are so many cute boys out tonight.

Singleroom@western: (texting on blackberry) Yah, totes.

_____: I think its probably a pre-requisite that men be good looking if they live in Montreal...

Singleroom@western: (still texting on blackberry) Yah.....thats like, every person I know at western. So hot.

_____: Are you even listening to anything I say?

Singleroom@western: (BBM'ing on blackberry)....Yah, totes.

Talkin 'bout ma tatty

Singleroom@western: K so I really wanna get a tattoo

_____: Well what do you want to get?

Singleroom@western: Like something like super cute and stuff...maybs a bob marley lyric or something.

_____: ....yeah? Really?

Singleroom@western: OOH! Ohmygod yah ok so theres this one lyric that says like "I'm a rainbow too" and I would totally get it like...right here.

_____: Hmm..that kinda reminds me of that quote from that movie...ugh whats it called? The guy in it says something just like that--

Singleroom@western: OH yah I know what you're talking about. Its like "I'm a nympho too" or something...

_____: Actually, no. I was thinking more along the lines of "if I'm a bird, you're a bird." From the notebook. I think. BUt nympho...wow, I can't believe you went there.

Singleroom@western: hahahaha I know RIGHT?!

_____: ....... .

Cham-pizzle fo the B-dizzle

(birthday. singleroom@western receives a copious amount of champagne as a present

singleroom@western: OH MY GOD. ohmygodohmygodohmygod. This is like so awesome I'm totally going to like pop these bottles at my party and be all like "hhaaayyyyy!"

______: Yeah, you could. Or, you could just drink/share them like a normal human being.

Singleroom@western: !!! Holy shit this is going to be such a good bottle of champagne.

_____: How can you tell?

Singleroom@western: Uumm, because it says 1872 on the bottle. Thats like tots old and shit.

_____: Thats the year the champagne company was established, not how old the actual champagne is.

Singleroom@western: K yah whatevs.....its still gonna be like really delicious.

names for parents

singleroom@western: ok so i have to be quiet cuz mom and dad think im sleeping, k?

_______: k whatever. anyways, whats up?

singleroom@western: not much i just wanted to chat..fuck hold on i think dad's at the door.

**dad...relax! ohmygod its like not even 11 yet. its _____ she realllly needs to talk to me. ya she did call me. dad like she needs me right now ok? ........ok goodnight...kyahwhateverloveyoutoo.**

singleroom@western: k i'm back

_______: awesome. everything ok?

singleroom@western: ya dad's just being all like pms-y and shit. so gay.

______: did you just refer to our father as being pre-menstrual?

singleroom@western: ya so

______: k nothing. what do you call mom?

singleroom@western: umm like betch and stuff. and a babe.

______: well yeah obviously. wait, you call mom a "betch" to her face?

singleroom@western: fuckin yah girl! she loves it.